Military Spouse Appreciation Day

May 11th is Military Spouse Appreciation Day. As a military spouse I wanted to take this time to thank all spouses that are supporting their soldier. Many people think military spouses only have to sacrifice time with out loves. They do not realize deployments spent apart are merely the tip of the iceberg.  We have to support our solider through every bad day, every injury, every nightmare, everything.

People do not think about the daily struggles we face just because we love a Soldier.

Soldiers have bad days at work just like any one else.  Like most spouses we are supportive when our significant other has a rough day. Personally, if my soldier has had a bad day I try to make sure he has the things he likes at home.  On these nights I try to make his favorite foods.  I want the house clean when he gets home so everything is in order.  I am more comfortable in a clean house so I logically think he would be too.  Honestly, this is probably the easiest thing I have to deal with.

Injuries are one of the toughest.  I know a lot of jobs result in injuries but few result in injuries like Traumatic Brain Injuries, loss of limbs, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  These are not easy things to deal with nor are they things your soldier can "just get over and deal with".  When facing these things all a person can do is be as supportive as possible and try to remember the person you fell in love with in the first place.  For some, this is not always easy.

Nightmares and guilt are also difficult to understand.  As a spouse I am happy my husband survived his two tours.  As a soldier he carries guilt because he did not die like some of his "brothers".  My husband lost a close friend who was a husband and father of three.  At the time my husband was a single soldier.  He had no family to be responsible for.  Apparently, when his friend died in combat and he saw it, my husband had some trouble dealing with this.  I now know he still does.  There are many nights, usually around the anniversary of the attack, he will have nightmares.  He will talk in his sleep and wake up sweating and in a panic.  When this happens I try to keep him calm and just hold him.  It is best if I can keep him from waking up because then he does not remember it in the morning.

Dealing with all these things makes deployments feel like just another day.  The thing I worry about most when he is away is what happens if he needs me when he has a nightmare and I am not there.  I no they have therapists but I always feel like I should be the one to comfort him.

I know I am not hte only spouse who handles this type of stuff so to all the Military Spouses I want to say thanks.  We have a tough job to do and it is not always easy but with love for our soldier we can handle it.  No matter if you are a soldier's husband or wife you deserve thanks and I understand your sacrifice.  So here is a blod dedicated to all of us!!!

Side note...today was also "National Eat What You Want Day" so treat yourself to a special snack!!!  I did lol!     

Warning Labels

I am constantly amused by warning labels.  I always read them and laugh.  Some of them are genuine and I can understand.  Ones that read, "Caution.  Can Damage Fabric" or "Warning. Very Hot".  Those are standard things that someone might actually need to know.  Personally I would hate to ruin my carpet or furniture because something did not say it could damage the fabric.
 
These kinds are common sense.  However, some of them are crazy.  For example, on curling iron labels it says "Do not stick in any orifice".  Who would do that?  I mean someone had to do it and get harmed.  Otherwise there would be no label.  Also makes me wonder if they were harmed because they decided to do it while the thing was hot.

My hairdryer has a label that treads. "Do not use in shower".  Not only is that the stupidest thing I have ever read but the entire idea is so counter productive.  The risk of electrocution should be known by humans.  Nonetheless, even if someone did not know about the danger of electrocution, why the hell would anyone use a hair dryer in the shower?  How can you dry your hair when you are under a water shower?  Like I said, COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.

This was on a package of shin guards.  "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover."Well of course they cannot.  Who expects their shins to be protected if the guards are not on your body.  On second thought, does someone really think shin guards might protect their head...if they are on your shins?  This one really confuses me as to what people are thinking.  I would not want to be the idiot in the E.R.  who said, "I thought my skull was protected.  I was wearing shin guards."

One of my personal favorites, "Do not drive with sunshield in place."  Did someone really try to drive with one of those card board or metallic sunshields over their windshield?  If you cannot figure out why you cannot see, when there is a cover on your windshield that you put there yourself...you probably are not smart enough to have a driver's license.

When my son was a baby, this one made me question the knowledge of parents.  Someone had to do this or there would be no label!!!  "Remove child from the stroller before closing."  How is this even possible?  Was this person NOT EVEN LOOKING at the baby or the stroller?  Did they not notice they were having difficulty getting it to fold?  At what point did they notice the complication with folding the stroller was because their BABY was in the seat of the stroller?!

I will end with a disturbing one.  I bought a belt a few months back with a sticker on it that read, "Not to be used as a choking device.  Death may result."  I am pretty sure I know why this one got started.  People are into some kinky stuff but oh my...they have to make a warning label to prevent us from choking ourselves to death while...doing the deed. 

We are supposed to be the most intelligent species.  There are many occassions when I doubt this very much!!!  Let us all be smart my readers.  Common sense is a wonderful thing.   

Find the Positives

As I dropped my husband off today for yet another training mission, I remind myself to find the positives in him being away AGAIN!  It is very easy to get caught up in the loneliness.  I never enjoy it when he is away as he really is a part of me. 

So the first thing I do when I tell him goodbye is enjoy my ride home without him criticising my driving.  He says I drive too slow because I drive the speed limit.  I drive faster when I am alone but when my son is in the car I think it is important to be extra careful.  I also cannot afford a ticket on my driving record. 

Next I come home and go back to sleep.  I pretend it makes me happy to not fight with him over the covers in our sleep.  It really does not but I can pretend.  He is so warm and puts off so much body heat.  I miss him when he is away because even if he steals the covers, his body heat keeps me warm. 

Once I wake up I think about all the things I can cook that he does not like.  Things I love.  Like slaw dogs.  He hates coleslaw, much less on a hot dog but I love it.  So that is what I had for dinner tonight.  And I can do that for the next several days. 

When he does not come home in the afternoons he will not put his uniform on the back of my couch.  His boots will not be strewn across the living room floor.  I may be able to keep the house clean.  Again, this really does not make me happy but it does comfort me a little bit. 

I will also be able to sleep a little later in the morning and not have to get up early to make his lunch.  It will be nice to sleep in late for a change.  If you consider 0530 sleeping late. 

The next eleven days are going to be long and boring but I will constantly try to find the silver lining.  If I do not do my best to stay positive I will get way to depressed.  Even when he is stateside he is gone so often.  Even eleven days seems like an eternity.  A short mission deployment lol.  I am just already ready for him to come home. 

Nights are the worst and sleep evades me when he is away.  I will be exhausted by the time he returns but my son and I are going to make the most of this week and try to be happy!

Day of the Nerd



Empire/Republic

Rebel Alliance

May 4th is considered "Day of the Nerd".  I love this as we are a house full of nerds.  I consider myself a nerd and both my husband and son are nerds too.  We are proud of the fact we are nerds.  I think it is funny how the things that made my husband a nerd when he was growing up, make my son cool. 

For instance, Star Wars.  When my husband and I were young Star Wars and mostly all science fiction made you the nerdiest of the nerds.  The one nerd no person wanted to be around...except for other nerds lol.  However, as I stated, my son is cool for liking Star Wars.  I love how times change. 

Anyway, this blog is kind of a tribute to all the nerds.  The true nerds.  Not the pseudo nerds of today.  So here goes my rant of sort: 

• Wearing suspenders and glasses with the lenses pushed out does not make you a nerd.  It makes you a hipster. 
• Reading a book does not make you a nerd.  It makes you a fourth grade graduate. 
• Playing World of Warcraft or other online games does not make you a nerd.  It makes you a gamer.   
• However, if you can tell me what this is and describe in detail what it is used for (without using Google) 

you might actually be a nerd lol. 

In our family we celebrate being a nerd.  We love Star Wars...all of them, Lord of the Rings...the entire trilogy,  eagerly await the release of THE HOBBIT.  We love graphic novels and anime.  My son and husband really dig MANGA.  We participate in Dungeons & Dragons and Rifts.  And save us all, we love the card game Munchkin.  We have some of our greatest family times over these nerdy things.  I would not have it any other way.  I love my nerdy boys!    

So in celebration of Nerd Day, "May the 4th be with you!"  I feel some Star wars in our immediate future!  Fun times! 

Hooah Heartaches

I am not about to write this to whine about how hard the Army life is.  I am sure by now we all know it is no cake walk.  Hell, life itself is not easy.  We all have crappy decisions to make and consequences to face.  The only difference with the Army life is we do not have a say in these decisions.  We just face the consequences. 

I am not sure if people really understand what this means.  So I will try to explain in as few words as possible.  We have no say in where we live.  The Army picks the duty station of our Soldier and we follow.  Sure we can decided if we live "on or off-post" but that is about it.  We also cannot just go to a doctor if we are sick.  We have to go to our general practitioner to get a referral to see a specialist fro any condition we have.  For example, I have a friend who needs a hearing test for her daughter.  She has to go to the clinic, to get a referral, to make an appointment to get a hearing test.  She also does not have time to wait as it is time sensitive for this to get done as they are leaving the country.  They are being restationed and have to get all of this done before they can leave.  These are just two instances where we have little to no say in our lives.  There are more but that is not what this blog was supposed to be about. 

I am going to talk about one specific thing we have no choice in the making of.  That is the Mission.  In this life the Mission is always first priority.  I understand why this is so important.  However, as spouses we sometimes get annoyed with the Mission taking away our Soldier.

We get so little time with them due to deployments.  Many people think a deployment is the only time we are separated.  Unfortunately, it is not.  My husband has been back for almost a year and has been away several times.  I have lost count of how many times he has had field duty.  This means he was away at least four consecutive days but usually more.  There is also CQ duty, which is only overnight but it still takes him away.  We also have big training missions.  That is what we are facing now.  He will be away for 11 or 12 days, depending on the hour they return.  For over half of our relationship we have been apart. 

We say this is why we are so in love, because we never get tired of one another but it makes this life difficult.  I miss him.  Our son misses him.  He misses us.  But this is the life I signed up for.  Many wives did not sign up for this.  It is something that happened AFTER they married their spouse.  My spouse has been a Soldier since I met him so I knew it would be this way.  That does not make it easier to be without him though.  And the children suffer more than the spouses, I think.  Always missing Daddy or Mommy.  They are single parent children without understanding why.  But it is for the course, or so it is explained.  The greater good of humankind.  I just wish humans appreciated what we go through to keep them safe and our freedoms protected. 

I wish it was appreciated that my husband and other Soldier's in his unit have to work a 16 day work schedule with no break.  They are having to do this for training to protect America against a nuclear attack or natural disaster.  This is not training to protect us from the enemy overseas.  This is training to keep us safe on our own soil. 

And I will not get into how some of the mother's of our soldiers feel.  This will be the third Mother's Day in a row our unit will be on mission and away; whether in theater or garrison.  Being away is away.  It is just another sacrifice but it would be nice to have them here.  I know it is not like Christmas but tell that to a mom who has not seen her son or daughter on Mother's Day in three years.  I am sure it is little comfort.     

 HOOAH...this is the cheer.  Hooah heartaches is what we all fear.  We know they are coming for us and our children but we must push forward; for the greater good!  Sadly, sometimes I just want to be a wife. 

And shit I hate that sentence rhymes but if I reword it it does not seem to express what I want it too. 

Sick Days

When I was a child I was amazed how my Mom never seemed to get sick.   The rest of our family would get viruses, fevers, etc.  But in all the years I was growing up, my Mom never got sick.  I thought she had some super power.  Well now I know the truth.

I think it is amusing how we can get sick days from work, excused absences from school, but moms never get a sick day.  I only thought of this today when I feel really bad.  I apparently have a stomach virus.  Well my son looked at me today and said, "Mom, you do not seem sick.  You are still taking care of stuff.  If you are sick, why are you not lying down like you tell me to do when I am sick?" 

I just smiled and told him I was okay but he has NO IDEA how bad I really want to do just that.  I want nothing more than to lay down and rest.  To snuggle with my fuzzy blanket and a tall bottle of water to stay hydrated.  Nothing would make me happier...well except not being sick.  That would make me happiest.

However, I know my family needs me.  My son needs help writing a report about a volcano.  I also have to start dinner.  This laundry is not going to wash itself and if I do not do it they may not have clean clothes soon.  My family needs me and they are my life.  It is my responsibility to make sure they are taken care of.

Don't get me wrong, my son and husband help me.   They pitch in even more on days I am sick but my son has homework responsibilities and my husband works all day.  I know my son will not be excused from homework just because I am sick and my husband is so tired when he gets home.  I feel guilty when he has to help with homework or cook dinner.  Those are my jobs and usually I am really good at them. 

With all that being said, I need to give KUDOS to my mom for her years of hard work with our family.  I am ashamed I never noticed this before.  She is amazing and did a wonderful job.  Everyone be sure to tell your mom how much you appreciate her.  She probably does not hear it enough.  And every now and again, give her a sick day.  Even if she is not sick!

On a side note, my son made me feel so great yesterday.  I walked my son to his orchestra practice this morning so I could tell his teacher I would be picking him up so we could go to the doctor. When I was leaving I told him to have fun at practice and learn a new song for me...you know, the same old stuff I say every practice that I think goes unnoticed. Well as I walked away I heard him tell his teacher, in the sweetest voice, "I love my mama. She is the best!" What a great way to start my day!  As a mom, little things make us feel so absolutely special! 

Army Wife Stereotypes

Just like any other group of people Army wives face a number of stereotypes.  I am sure some of them are accurate in most cases but not all of us fit into this mold society has formed for us. 

The first stereotype I will hit is the "fat" one.  Not all Army wives are fat.  Some of us are quite fit.  And many of the "fat" ones are pregnant.  I do know several overweight Army wives but I know just as many overweight civilian wives. 

The second is the "cheating".  Not all Army wives cheat on their husbands.  Many of us a very faithful.  Yes we actually can make it 12, 18, sometimes 24 months without sex.  A real relationship is not based solely on sex so it is possible to survive without it.

Third, we are not "lazy".  The majority of us have to manage everything as our husband will be leaving for an extended amount of time, at least once.  We better be able to manage everything or we would be homeless within three months.  We also do volunteer work, support one another when needed, and still manage to find enough time to shower.  Lazy is the last thing I would call an Army wife.   

"Stupid" is the fourth one and possibly my favorite.  During the last week I have met six other wives who have college degrees but cannot obtain employment.  We are not unemployed because we are stupid.  We seem to face adversity because corporations know we will be transferring at some point.  So we are not all stupid; we are too nomadic.

Lastly, I will talk about being "gossipy".  Not all of us talk about the business of everyone else.  In fact, a lot of us do not even care about other people's problems.  We have enough to deal with on our own accord.  We do not need added drama from someone that really does not matter. 


So the next time you want to clump all Army wives into a generalized group, remember there are exceptions.  I am one of them.  I love my family and would do nothing to jeopardize that relationship nor my husband's career.  I am a wife first and foremost.  Army is just part of the baggage!