What defines you?

So today has been pretty disappointing for me and you are all about to get some full and complete honesty. If you are not ready for that, WARNING: STOP READING NOW!

Every Sunday I take my measurements because that is the end of my workout week. Every Sunday I have seen results that blew me away. Well today that did not happen. I had absolutely NO CHANGE in my measurements from last week. I was devastated.

My husband convinced me to take my weekly progression photos even though I did not want to do so. You can see the fake smile and complete look of defeat in my face. Don't even act like you can't. It is there.

After the photos were taken I did not even look at them. I had to shower and get ready for church. Besides I was disappointed after all. I was also tearing myself apart. That moment of disappointment had opened up a tiny bit of negativity and the enemy took his foothold in that thought.

As I showered I began to cry. I surveyed my body and silently criticized every inch of myself. Suddenly my face was not firm enough, my hair was too limp, my eyebrows were needing work again, my legs were too full and long, my butt STILL TOO BIG, my stomach not firm enough, etc etc etc. Every positive thing I had done over the past month to improve my fitness meant NOTHING; NOTHING I say.

Then I heard the voice of my coach. I really believe it was God's still voice but it sounded like Lisa because when I started this journey she asked me a question. She said, "What is your why?" Obviously it was to lose weigh but she said, "No, what is your WHY? Why are you doing this. It needs to be more than weight because you will plateau. You need a good WHY to keep you going when motivation is not there!" (That may not be verbatim but it is close enough.)

As I cried silently in the shower I remembered my why. It was not to lose weight. That is my goal. My why is much bigger. It is to better my body for the battles I face everyday. I need to be strong as a member of God's Army to be able to live as a Christian. I have to be fit to reach my purpose. I also need to be healthy to be the BEST wife and mother I can be. If I am sick and diabetes gets me down I am good for NONE of these things. I am no good at all. Once i remembered my WHY, I was no longer crying in silence; I was praising God for the ability to workout every singe day no matter what. I was thanking him for allowing me to hit this plateau in order to remember why I started.

After church I finally looked at the photos. I put them side by side and really looked at them. I may not have made any measurement or weight progress but my body DOES LOOK DIFFERENT. When I flex my back roll disappears, my lower stomach is finally getting flatter, my obliques look more defined and when not flexed my back roll is still smaller...my butt looks lifted too!!

I write this to encourage you to not give up on your journey. Have a good why to keep you going. It is soooo important. Also remember we all feel discouraged. It is okay actually. Just do not stay in that place of defeat. Do not allow the enemy to derail your purpose. It is so easy for women to let this happen because we feel so negatively about our bodies. Forget the number...and I know it is hard to do. Trust me, I know I am EXACTLY 1.2 pounds heavier with wet hair than dry hair. So trust me when I understand obsession with those numbers. BUT LET IT GO. Embrace the process and keep pushing. Things are happening even we do not realize it...and number can deceive us.

Look up and keep moving forward. NO EXCUSES!

21 Day Fix Challenge Accountability

This lifestyle change has been easier than I thought it would be. I am still learning as I go and each day is a choice between temptation and a healthy choice. The following is my accountability and testimony blog for this first 7 days. So I only ate out once this week. It was yesterday while running errands with my family. My victory is in NOT getting that burger. I got the salad bar FIRST. Then I found the lowest calorie thing on the menu, bourbon chicken with spaghetti squash. It was actually good. I had water to drink. I have a Samsung Gear Fit (like a fitbit) and I have tried really hard to walk the 10k step goal everyday. I only missed it once this week and I really think I made enough steps. I just had to put the device on the charger for a while so I had uncounted steps. One night I actually jogged in place for 15 minutes, while reading a spiritual book, in order to get my steps and my devotional done for the day. In a normal day in my OLD life I would have no less than 5 diet cokes in a day. Add to that the 4+ cups of coffee and you can see a bad pattern. I have managed to cut down to only one diet coke each day (being diabetic I cannot handle the sugar of a regular cola) and 2 days this week I did not have a single cup of coffee. When I did have coffee I used stevia instead of equal. Instead, I am drinking water. I am attempting to get 100 oz each day but I typically only make it to about 90. I also take a bottle of water to bed with me so when I wake up, it is the first thing I grab and I drink it down. I said no to many things this week; burger king, crackers, granola, noodles, etc. I tried to make my carbs healthy ones using whole grains. I am making veggie spaghetti instead of using regular noodles. My family loves it, which makes me feel happy. Knowing they are supporting me and enjoying the food makes this so much easier. Another favorite we have discovered is Ezekiel 4:9 bread. It is delicious and WAY healthier than regular bread. I also did every workout this week for the 21 day fix and logged them into the beachbody gym. I want my shirt lol. The workouts are no joke. Even the warm up makes you sweat. I love how modifiers are included in the workout for beginners, like myself. I can begin doing the no modified movements but can easily move to the modified when I feel like I just cannot do anymore. It allows me, at my fitness level, to continue WITHOUT GIVING UP! I also drank my shakeology every day. Some days I really wanted to drink a second one. I am in love with the chocolate flavor. It tastes like a dessert. It is the easiest protein I have ever tried to drink. It mixes well and really does taste great. Many other proteins I have tried over the years always seemed chalky or coarse. Shakelogy is almost like a smoothie. I really do wish it was not so expensive but with all the money I am saving from not eating out and drinking so many sodas, I think my pockets will be okay :) It is also so full of nutrients, it is totally worth it.  I am seeing changes in my skin, hair, nails.  I am not sure if it is from the Shakeology or all the water, or some combination of both.  Whatever is causing it, I am pleased.  I am also seeing changes in my physique.  Small changes but noticeable.  I have to remind myself that nothing happens overnight and that I am type one diabetic.  Synthetic insulin is my lfe save and my enemy.  It makes it so hard to reduce weight since insulin is a fat storing hormone. I am not going to give up though. I will get to my goal. One step, one squat, one inch, one pound at a time!