All sugar coated

I'm beginning to suffer from type 1 diabetes burnout again.  I get so tired of testing,  site changes,  sensor calibrations,  carb counting,  glucose spikes,  never sleeping through the night.  

People have no idea what it is like to have lived with this chronic illness everyday for the past 24 years.  It NEVER gets easier.

I spend everyday trying to keep my levels in perfect range.  Trying to figure out what caused a high or low.  Calculating the amount of carbs per serving and hope I did it accurately.   Eating a meal should not include a logarithm but it does for me.

I hate when people say, "it is what it is" because it's not.  It sucks.  My life is difficult all day everyday.   And now that is summer it's even harder.   Why,  you ask?  Heat.  Heat acts as a stressor on my body and causes high glucose.  Heat can also start to break down the synthetic insulin so it is literally not effective.  

Burnout sucks! With most things you can walk away.  Get burnt-out with your job or a bad relationship,  you can walk away.  Burnout with T1D means you die if you "walk away" and ignore the illness.  

Alas,  this is my life.  Time to check my glucose again.  I'm naturally too sweet and sugar coated.  l live in a world of used test strips. 

T1d community app

I would love to invite you to Beyond Type 1. Use this link to join the network: https://community.beyondtype1.org/share/ICAgNDQ0Mjgy

My body gives me the middle finger. Literally!

Trigger Finger

Enough with the hypoglycemia

I will not accept fat as my fate

The diabetic tales continue as I become more and more frustrated. 

I met with my doctor this morning to go over the severe low blood sugars I am having.  She pointed out to me that 31% of the time my glucose is slightly elevated, 55% of the time it is in good range and only 14% of the time is it low.  ONLY 14% of the time.  I politely asked her "How many times does it take to have a severe low of 37 and go into a coma or die"?  Her reply was an astounding ONE!  SO I then asked her if 14% was supposed to somehow be acceptable?  She stopped trying to make me feel okay with the numbers and we talked facts after that.  24 years with this disease...I am not going to be happy with 14% hypoglycemia.  On a happier note, she said things are looking positive for getting my CGMS reinstated.  Most of my lows are happening between 0200 and 0600 or 1200 and 1800.  With them happening both nocturnally and with unawareness it looks promising.  I can only pray this works out in my favor.  Hypoglycemic unawareness is no joke. 

After we handled this we talked about my weight fluctuation.  I have gained three pounds back in the past two weeks.  I am so very discouraged about this.  I know, I know!  Muscles weigh more than fat and I am gaining muscle but I am not okay to be sitting at my current weight.  For my height I am not considered overweight but I feel fat.  I am 176 lbs.  I was down to 173.  I asked my doctor about this and she gave me the typical song and dance.  People taking insulin are at a disadvantage for losing weight.  Over time the weight slowly builds and is almost impossible to get off because of the treatment of the disease...blah blah blah.  I know all this is very true but I am not willing to accept it.  I do not want to he this heavy and I will not teeter on this crazy see-saw anymore.  You see, 170 is where the BMI places my height at not being overweight. 176 is in the overweight range but with my 5-8 lb rapid fluctuations, the doctor is not concerned.  I am concerned.  I do not want to be HEAVY or OVERWEIGHT!!!  I will not accept this as the norm nor as mu fate.

The moment I got home I called my PCM asking for a referral to a nutritionist.  I have taken diabetic diet classes before but it has been years.  I also want to learn the full aspect of nutrition not just how it affects my diabetes.  I also called the Army Wellness Center and made my first appointment to use their BodPod.  This machine will tell me how much body fat I have exactly.  It will also tell me my problem area and how much body fat is the necessary amount.  Once I have completed this appointment I will be making the second appointment for metabolic testing.  I will find out exactly how my metabolism is functioning. 

I may never be the idea 145 lbs I was 10 years ago but by God, I will do everything in my power and use every resource available to get fit.  I will not let T1D determine how my body feels.  It does enough damage to me mentally.  I will not go down physically without a fight. 

#t1dlookslikeme #t1dwontstopme #insulinpumper #noexcuses #Icandoallthings #fighttothefinish

Push partner

I was irritated today and had a negative attitude about a personal situation.  My #mondaymotivation was non existent.  This is why is important to have support.  My #husband @selfleaderii who knows my goals and believes in me, would not let me #quit. He tossed my #wonderwoman #workoutgear at me,  mixed my #energize #preworkout, stated my dvd of #Hammerandchisel and told me to "get it done"! Dragging #glutes and #elbows I got started.  I'm glad I did.  #totalbodychisel and #10minuteabchisel done.  #neverskipamonday #pushpartners #goals #husbandandwifestuff

Found a CGMS!

Found a #cgms is a drawer and decided to use it.  Hopefully #healthnet & #tricare well review my claim again and approve the request.  Life is certainly better with these medical advances.  My husband/medic is putting them in my arm for me.  #t1dlife #insulinpumper #enlitesensor @selfleaderii

Almost dead

So I had a minor set back this evening.  My blood sugar crashed hard. I was reading and suddenly my leg muscles cramped up and I couldn't see.  I was able to check my glucose and it was 37. I literally crawled to the fridge, sat in the floor and chugged juice from the bottle.  30 minutes later I checked and it was 67. I had a KIND bar and peanut butter.  30 more minutes I was only at 75. Had a glass of milk.  Another half hour,  63. So my husband calls urgent care (he's home by this time) and they tell him bring me to the er. During the 20 minutes it took to get to the er my glucose stabilized and was a perfect 109. So there was nothing to er could do for me.  No idea why I crashed so hard.  So,  I ate a really hearty dinner;  steak,  potato,  steamed veggies so hopefully I'm remain stable now.
I had to completely forget about my calorie intake and nutrition plan in order to "feed the insulin". It was scary and hopefully I did not ruin this week's progress. #workoutgoals #Hammerandchisel #t1dwontstopme #t1dtriedtokillme #nadiabetes #jdrfny

Hypoglycemia Unaware

Trying to get ready for my #biblestudy with #pwoc and my pump stays screaming at me.  Thank God for the #cgms I found in my box of supplies last week.  My #glucose is dropping again.  I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to talk about all this and put a new claim into #healthnet and #tricare with the new data showing the lows. It sucks because hypoglycemia unawareness not safe for me to #drive and I like my bible study.  This is how #hypoglycemiaunawareness can debilitate your #qualityoflife Feeling disappointed and defeated.

Beach Body Progress 9 weeks

First Vlog: Mail Call

What defines you?

So today has been pretty disappointing for me and you are all about to get some full and complete honesty. If you are not ready for that, WARNING: STOP READING NOW!

Every Sunday I take my measurements because that is the end of my workout week. Every Sunday I have seen results that blew me away. Well today that did not happen. I had absolutely NO CHANGE in my measurements from last week. I was devastated.

My husband convinced me to take my weekly progression photos even though I did not want to do so. You can see the fake smile and complete look of defeat in my face. Don't even act like you can't. It is there.

After the photos were taken I did not even look at them. I had to shower and get ready for church. Besides I was disappointed after all. I was also tearing myself apart. That moment of disappointment had opened up a tiny bit of negativity and the enemy took his foothold in that thought.

As I showered I began to cry. I surveyed my body and silently criticized every inch of myself. Suddenly my face was not firm enough, my hair was too limp, my eyebrows were needing work again, my legs were too full and long, my butt STILL TOO BIG, my stomach not firm enough, etc etc etc. Every positive thing I had done over the past month to improve my fitness meant NOTHING; NOTHING I say.

Then I heard the voice of my coach. I really believe it was God's still voice but it sounded like Lisa because when I started this journey she asked me a question. She said, "What is your why?" Obviously it was to lose weigh but she said, "No, what is your WHY? Why are you doing this. It needs to be more than weight because you will plateau. You need a good WHY to keep you going when motivation is not there!" (That may not be verbatim but it is close enough.)

As I cried silently in the shower I remembered my why. It was not to lose weight. That is my goal. My why is much bigger. It is to better my body for the battles I face everyday. I need to be strong as a member of God's Army to be able to live as a Christian. I have to be fit to reach my purpose. I also need to be healthy to be the BEST wife and mother I can be. If I am sick and diabetes gets me down I am good for NONE of these things. I am no good at all. Once i remembered my WHY, I was no longer crying in silence; I was praising God for the ability to workout every singe day no matter what. I was thanking him for allowing me to hit this plateau in order to remember why I started.

After church I finally looked at the photos. I put them side by side and really looked at them. I may not have made any measurement or weight progress but my body DOES LOOK DIFFERENT. When I flex my back roll disappears, my lower stomach is finally getting flatter, my obliques look more defined and when not flexed my back roll is still smaller...my butt looks lifted too!!

I write this to encourage you to not give up on your journey. Have a good why to keep you going. It is soooo important. Also remember we all feel discouraged. It is okay actually. Just do not stay in that place of defeat. Do not allow the enemy to derail your purpose. It is so easy for women to let this happen because we feel so negatively about our bodies. Forget the number...and I know it is hard to do. Trust me, I know I am EXACTLY 1.2 pounds heavier with wet hair than dry hair. So trust me when I understand obsession with those numbers. BUT LET IT GO. Embrace the process and keep pushing. Things are happening even we do not realize it...and number can deceive us.

Look up and keep moving forward. NO EXCUSES!

21 Day Fix Round 1 COMPLETE

Sparky has tricks

21 Day Fix Round 1 COMPLETE

Shane's Track Meet

Shane's 13 Birthday Surprise

The Plunge

So today I took the plunge.  Instead of being a customer, I am now a coach.  What could you do if you were no longer afraid?  

I am hoping to inspire people to improve their health.  As a TIDiabetic for 24 years, I completely understand the struggle.  It is hard to lose weight while having to adjust your insulin and diet all at once.  It can also be dangerous so HELP FROM A DOCTOR IS ESSENTIAL to success.  

If I can do it, anyone can  so I hope I can be an example for others in my situation.

www.beachbodycoach.com/ELLAPYGMALION

Hot Pink Shoes

Right before Christmas my husband and I were at the Nike Factory Story getting new shoes for our teenager. I needed some new tennis shoes but the ones I had were not completely worn out thus I decided it could wait. You see, I always do that. I always feel things for myself can wait. My husband, however, picked up a pair of hot pink tennis shoes and said, "These are for you". At first I wanted to argue with him about it but I decided to just let him get them for me. After all, I had not had pink shoes since I was a small girl. My husband also knew I had been working out; doing Zumba and cardio on the elliptical. This was his way of showing his support for my efforts. But why Hot Pink? Of all the colors, why that color? He said they just made him think of me. So I have hot pink tennis shoes. Why is hot pink something that would come into question, you wonder? Well let me tell you. For many years I had a very strong aversion to color. All color, but especially anything pink. In my opinion, pink represented Happy and I was anything but happy. In fact, I was rather loathsome. I was angry all the time and having a decade or so long pity party. I was angry about being "made fun of" while in high school. I was angry about being sick all the time. I was angry that I was not able to be a doctor, which is still somewhat of a dream of mine. I was absolutely tormented about how my first marriage ended in divorce. I could not see the good things in my life because I was so focused on the negative. In order to express my anger, I wore mostly all black and wore heavy black eyeliner. I was isolated and introverted. I had a very small select group of people who I trusted. Anyone else was repulsive to me. My circle was small and I like it. Some described me as "semi goth" or "punk". Most described me as "the weird freak girl". I loved this. At least they were leaving me alone. As this anger grew inside of me and as I separated myself form others, I also separated myself from my faith. I left the church and had no need for organized religion. I felt God had played a cruel joke on me since my life was such crap. I was angry at him too. Almost two years ago I found myself inside a church for the first time in many years. My life was changed redirected inside that church. I came to some realizations that I had never thought about before. I saw things in a new fashion. It was like being awake to the happiness around for the first time. I had much to be happy about and thankful for. Since then I have made some serious changes in my life and my attitude. When I visited my family over the 2015 holiday I was wearing my hot pink shoes. Everyone noticed them and made comments about how bright they are and what not. But one person, my Uncle Avery, made a comment that had a profound effect on me. He said, "I never thought I would see you in hot pink shoes. You have changed a lot. You have come a long way from that angry girl in black. I am so proud of you and happy you are following Christ". (I am writing this a month after that statement so this is completely how I remember it and may not be completely verbatim). This statement went directly to my heart. If other people have noticed a change in me I can only thank God for dealing with my heart and mind. It is his mercy and grace that have gotten me to this point in my life where I can now see all the things that angry girl missed. I had many things to be grateful for and happy about but I let my own darkness hide them all. So from now on I hope I can always find hot pink tennis shoes to remind me of how far I have come and to never go back. Pink still makes me think of happiness and I want to take that happiness with me everywhere.

21 Day Fix Challenge Accountability

This lifestyle change has been easier than I thought it would be. I am still learning as I go and each day is a choice between temptation and a healthy choice. The following is my accountability and testimony blog for this first 7 days. So I only ate out once this week. It was yesterday while running errands with my family. My victory is in NOT getting that burger. I got the salad bar FIRST. Then I found the lowest calorie thing on the menu, bourbon chicken with spaghetti squash. It was actually good. I had water to drink. I have a Samsung Gear Fit (like a fitbit) and I have tried really hard to walk the 10k step goal everyday. I only missed it once this week and I really think I made enough steps. I just had to put the device on the charger for a while so I had uncounted steps. One night I actually jogged in place for 15 minutes, while reading a spiritual book, in order to get my steps and my devotional done for the day. In a normal day in my OLD life I would have no less than 5 diet cokes in a day. Add to that the 4+ cups of coffee and you can see a bad pattern. I have managed to cut down to only one diet coke each day (being diabetic I cannot handle the sugar of a regular cola) and 2 days this week I did not have a single cup of coffee. When I did have coffee I used stevia instead of equal. Instead, I am drinking water. I am attempting to get 100 oz each day but I typically only make it to about 90. I also take a bottle of water to bed with me so when I wake up, it is the first thing I grab and I drink it down. I said no to many things this week; burger king, crackers, granola, noodles, etc. I tried to make my carbs healthy ones using whole grains. I am making veggie spaghetti instead of using regular noodles. My family loves it, which makes me feel happy. Knowing they are supporting me and enjoying the food makes this so much easier. Another favorite we have discovered is Ezekiel 4:9 bread. It is delicious and WAY healthier than regular bread. I also did every workout this week for the 21 day fix and logged them into the beachbody gym. I want my shirt lol. The workouts are no joke. Even the warm up makes you sweat. I love how modifiers are included in the workout for beginners, like myself. I can begin doing the no modified movements but can easily move to the modified when I feel like I just cannot do anymore. It allows me, at my fitness level, to continue WITHOUT GIVING UP! I also drank my shakeology every day. Some days I really wanted to drink a second one. I am in love with the chocolate flavor. It tastes like a dessert. It is the easiest protein I have ever tried to drink. It mixes well and really does taste great. Many other proteins I have tried over the years always seemed chalky or coarse. Shakelogy is almost like a smoothie. I really do wish it was not so expensive but with all the money I am saving from not eating out and drinking so many sodas, I think my pockets will be okay :) It is also so full of nutrients, it is totally worth it.  I am seeing changes in my skin, hair, nails.  I am not sure if it is from the Shakeology or all the water, or some combination of both.  Whatever is causing it, I am pleased.  I am also seeing changes in my physique.  Small changes but noticeable.  I have to remind myself that nothing happens overnight and that I am type one diabetic.  Synthetic insulin is my lfe save and my enemy.  It makes it so hard to reduce weight since insulin is a fat storing hormone. I am not going to give up though. I will get to my goal. One step, one squat, one inch, one pound at a time!

21 day fix challenge

Healthnet, Tricare and Continued Care

Planned Parenthood

There is never a day that passes where I do not see something about protests of Planned Parenthood. This got me wondering why Planned Parenthood has such a horrible reputation among "Christians". As a christian it is important to me that people understand the Bible does not say everyone has to share our beliefs. The Bible (at least the way I read it) states God loves everyone. Every sinner. As Christians we are supposed to accept people as they are and love them. Through our walk and love for their souls we should lead them to Christ. Very few people are led to Christ by being frightened or ridiculed into faith. Also, my Bible says I am not to judge others. I can listen to them and witness to them but no judge. How can a person be ridiculed and not judged? It is impossible, imho. The Bible says to cast he first stone if you are without sin. I know I am not without sin so I cannot cast stones upon the sins of another; no matter what the sin is. God views all sin as sin. He does not have a measurement scale for how bad each sin is. Lying is just as bad as stealing, etc. So what does this have to do with Planned Parenthood? For years people have been against Planned Parenthood because the organization allows abortions to be conducted in their clinics. Due to this, the entire organization is seen, by some, as a baby killing organization with no benefit. Well, I want to argue that Planned Parenthood is beneficial regardless of the abortion aspect. Let's remove abortion from the scenario and look at what Planned Parenthood would be without it. It would be an organization that offers the following: Birth Control information including: Abstinence Birth Control Implant (Implanon and Nexplanon) Birth Control Patch Birth Control Shot (Depo-Provera) Birth Control Sponge (Today Sponge) Birth Control Vaginal Ring (NuvaRing) Breastfeeding as Birth Control Cervical Cap (FemCap) Condom Diaphragm Female Condom Fertility Awareness-Based Methods (FAMs) IUD Morning-After Pill (Emergency Contraception) Outercourse Spermicide Sterilization for Women (Tubal Sterilization) Vasectomy Withdrawal (Pull Out Method) WOW!!! All this information on how to prevent pregnancy including ABSTINENCE! Planned Parenthood also offers information on: Body Image Issues (who doesn't need help with this topic) Relationship Health (which includes help with ending relationships and topics on unhealthy relationships) Pregnancy Breast Feeding STD Testing Men's Health (including testicular cancer) Women's Health (mammograms, pelvic exams, breast exams) And several other beneficial items but I think I have listed enough. Many of the above listed items are free or discounted. This is the only way some women are able to get breast exams, pelvic exams and birth control. The costs of these procedures, even with insurance, can be detrimental and prevent people from seeking much needed medical attention. So here is my big question for all the Christian Protesters: How can you ignore all the benefits of this program simply because you do not agree with one thing the clinics offer? If a clinic offered free cancer treatments but also preformed abortions, would you not accept the treatments if you were suffering from cancer yourself? I think you would. Again, it is not our place to judge anyone. We also do not have to condone it but I believe there is a right and wrong way to do things. We should not ridicule people as they seek refuge in the clinics. We should be reaching out to females in need before they reach the point of needing/wanting an abortion. They should not be spat upon by sinners and yes WE ARE ALL SINNERS. When Christians scream and curse at these women as they try to enter a clinic, what message are they receiving? A message of love or hate? Jesus loved them all. Are we better than Jesus? I think not. Our mission is to disciple the lost into followers of Christ. It is possible to hate the sin but love the sinner. Not sure how to do that< Christian. Read the word and look to Jesus for the example. He did it. So can we.