Pain

Today my blog is all about whining.  I feel like crap so I am struggling to think of anything other than the pain.  Since I could not distract myself from it, I decided to write about it.  To use a few words, "It hurt really badly".  To use a lot of words, "I feel like garden gnomes are chewing on my fallopian tubes". 

Usually I really enjoy being a woman.  I love the clothes, the shoes, the perfumes, the make-up.  I love being feminine.  Even when I have to be tough, I want to be feminine and lady-like with it.  I really do not like appearing masculine or overly tough.  This is difficult for me since I am so very tall and quiet.  I have people tell me all the time I look like I could kick a man's butt or I scare them.  I think this is funny because I am typically a very sweet and considerate person.  However, this is the one time of the month I hate being a woman. 

Logically I know this is one of the things that defines womanhood but I never feel less feminine than when I have my menstrual cycle.  I always feel so tired and like a big waste of space.  I have to literally make myself get up and function.  Between the migraines, backache, abdomen cramps, listlessness, and moodiness; I am like a big blob of death.  This kind of pain cannot be normal.  At least I hope it is not.  If every woman has to suffer this much pain it is biologically STUPID!  The pain makes me so angry.  It pisses me off!  I am tired of hurting.  I want to just flip off the pain and make it stop! 

Since I was tired of the pain, about two years ago I was so convinced this pain was so abnormal I went to the doctor to have "things" checked out.  I mean, I go to my physical every year but I wanted to make sure nothing was wrong so I made an appointment to have things really examined.  According to the doctor, there is nothing wrong with me.  Everything "looked normal and had very little scar tissue".  Not wanting to deal with this pain every month I asked if I might be able to have a hysterectomy since I cannot have babies.  I was advised no ethical doctor would ever do this since I was so young and because of the hormonal side effects.  To be perfectly honest I could give two shits about ethics when I am in this much pain.  It gets so bad I think about doing an at home surgery.  It can't hurt any worse.  I know this is a dumb idea and I would never really do it but it is a reoccurring fantasy every month I am doubled over in pain.  Until I go through menopause and this pain stops I guess I will just eat Ibuprofen and kill my lover every month.  In five to seven days my femininity will return and I will feel good again.  As for now, my honey offered to cook dinner since I do not feel well so I think, I am going to go to bed super early and sleep it off.